A Speech You Won’t Hear at the Georgia Baptist Convention
Tuesday, May 11th, 2010A Speech You Won’t Hear at the Georgia Baptist Convention
The Georgia Baptist Convention is at it again. In November they plan to disfellowship (is that even a word?) Druid Hills Baptist Church in Atlanta for the crime of calling a female co-pastor. It does not matter that Rev. Mimi Walker is a committed minister who preaches the Gospel with passion and integrity. After being excommunicated, the GBC will refuse to accept funds from the ninety-six-year-old congregation, but, interestingly, they will not return the money the church has given to the GBC since Mimi and her husband Graham began serving in 2008. I have been thinking about the expulsion of my good friends and their good church and have been trying to imagine how the argument could become any more foolish. Here’s a speech that will not be given at the Georgia Baptist Convention, but you are welcome to borrow it if you want to try.
“Mr. President, distinguished messengers and other Bible-believing Georgians, I rejoice that Georgia Baptists are spreading the gospel from Rome to Valdosta, Columbus to Savannah, Atlanta to Augusta, Athens to Americus, in Ellijay, Enigma, Fargo, Cairo, Egypt, Damascus, Sparta, Glory, Hephzibah, Hiawassee, and Daisy. The gospel is being shared with old and young, rich and poor, conservative and more conservative, native Georgian and foreign interloper.
“I stand to commend this august body for taking seriously the admonition in 1 Timothy 2:11-12, and I read, as all Christians should, from the King James Version, ‘Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.’ We follow this infallible commandment joyfully, but this chapter has fifteen verses and each one of them is equally inspired and inerrant. This leads to my distress that we’re not taking the whole Bible seriously enough.
“Immediately following, in verses 13 and 14, we read, ‘For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.’ (This is, of course, obvious. Verse 15 is the one heretics overlook.) ‘Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.’
“You may be saying, ‘What about Lottie Moon? Lottie didn’t have children.’ (Mother Teresa didn’t have children either, but she was a Catholic, enough said.) I know there are liberals who would like for God to make an exception for Lottie (also Dolly Parton), but the Bible says it. I believe it. That settles it.
“My greater concern is the passage a few sentences earlier—1 Timothy 2:9, ‘women should adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array.’
“We’re all for ‘modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety’ and I am no fan of ‘broided hair,’ but the ‘gold or pearls’ part may be problematic at some otherwise acceptable Georgia Baptist churches.
“It may be hard for you to imagine upstanding Christian women not wearing wedding rings, but that’s what it says. 1Timothy also clearly prohibits True Love Waits purity rings. We need to warn and punish those who sinfully wear gold cross earrings.
“One group that has been given far too long to repent is Girls in Action. When a G.A. reaches the level of Queen Regent with Scepter, why can’t she be honored without the wicked use of gold? What are we teaching tomorrow’s WMU?
“I’ve heard about a church where the pastor gives those who are baptized a gold necklace with the Christian fish symbol. Those corrupt churches will be more comfortable in the Episcopal Church.
“You may have some anxiety for the people who work in James Avery’s ‘Christian jewelry’ division, but they are an abomination. Perhaps they could switch to printing 1 Timothy 2:9 on plastic bracelets.
“I know that some will think it harsh when we kick out all of the churches where women wear gold, but if we’re going to be honest and consistent, we have no choice.”
