Peculiar Preacher

I was a pastor for twenty-two years, then (while working weekdays as a professor) a guest preacher for a year and a half, and now—thanks to the gracious people at First Baptist Church, Dalton—I am an interim pastor.  My friends have suggested that I am working my way up the ecclesiastical ladder.  I am learning that the differences in these three jobs are subtle, but significant.

For instance, pastors have file cabinets filled with years of sermons.  Interims have a set of sermons for each season of the church year.  Guest preachers have a file marked “Sermon.”

Pastors work hard to plan the worship service.  Interims try to fit what the staff has planned.  Guest preachers try to remember to e-mail their sermon title.

Pastors rotate their Sunday best.  Interims have a couple of choices.  Guest preachers go to the cleaners every four churches.

Pastors fill in when Sunday school teachers call in sick.  Interims go to Sunday school assemblies to get a donut.  Guest preachers get to church halfway through Sunday school. 

Pastors have their own parking spot.  Interims try to avoid parking in someone else’s spot.  Guest preachers park across the street.

Pastors know all the children’s names.  Interims know the staff’s children.  Guest preachers wish the children would be quiet during the sermon.

Pastors try to make improvements between the 8:30 and the 11:00 service.  Interims show off the names they have learned.  Guest preachers look for coffee.

Pastors know who not to hug.  Interims hug everyone who looks like they might want to be hugged.  Guest preachers shake hands. 

Pastors pay when they go out to eat.  Interims never pick up a check.  Guest preachers order off the dollar menu at the drive-thru.

Pastors try to keep things moving in the right direction during deacons’ meetings.  Interims sit in the back.  Guest preachers watch television. 

Pastors go to the hospital each Monday.  Interims go to the hospital when a deacon is ill.  Guest preachers do not know where the hospital is.

Pastors worry about the church’s budget.  Interims tell the church to worry about the church budget.  Guest preachers forget that churches have budgets.

Pastors go on mission trips to underprivileged areas.  Interims praise church members who go on mission trips to underprivileged areas.  Guest preachers go to Florida. 

Pastors find that Holy Week is the busiest time of the year.  Interims feel like they are pastors again at Easter.  Guest preachers don’t have an Easter sermon. 

Pastors’ families feel like everyone is watching.  Interims introduce their families at Easter.  Guest preachers call their spouse on the way home. 

            Pastors think they have to fix mistakes the last pastor made.  Interims try to fix problems before the next pastor arrives.  Guest preachers make jokes about the pastor being at the beach.

            Pastors have messy offices.  Interims have several books on the shelf.  Guest preachers have the aforementioned file marked “Sermon.”

            When I was growing up, evangelists offered invitations to “full-time Christian service.”  It sounded right. “Part-time Christian service” does not seem like much of a commitment.  Now I am not so sure.  Maybe there is something to be said for “part-time Christian service.” Being an interim seems like fun.

Pastors, interims and guest preachers have different jobs, but they all have the joy and responsibility of standing before God’s people and saying, “I’ve been listening for God’s word and this is what I think I heard God say.” 

 

This entry was posted on Monday, February 15th, 2010 at 4:28 am and is filed under Hopefully Humorous Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.